Leah Kim talks about her personal experiences with the intersection of black and asian racism.
By Leah Kim
I wrote an essay back in April 2019. It was in response to a restaurant called Lucky Lee’s that opened, and swiftly closed, in New York City. At the time, I was consumed with outrage. I forwarded the story to all my non-white friends and family. Racism was not something I regularly spoke about in my day-to-day life. But it was always just under the surface, and any time something like this happened, it awakened a ferocity in me.
For a few days, I had heated conversations with confidants. Almost everyone agreed that the woman who started the restaurant was ignorant, but to my shock, not everyone saw it as a problem of racism. Like racism against Asians often is, this moment was mostly waved off, even by Asians themselves. One particularly frustrating comment an Asian-American friend made was, “I don’t see a serious problem here. Sure, her marketing language is questionable, but it’s not like only Italian people are allowed to cook Italian food.”
Over and over again throughout my life, I’ve tried to talk to people about my experience of racism. The conversations never went very far. I would frequently be met with responses suggesting I was overreacting, being sensitive, or seeing something that wasn’t there:
“It’s not like you fear for your life when you walk past a police officer.”
“Nobody discriminates against you when you walk into a store.”
“California and New York have tons of Asian people.”
I would question my outrage. I would erupt at the moment and then return to a dormant state. It’s not that it stopped bothering me. It just felt too big to do anything about, especially if other Asians in my own life didn’t seem that troubled by it. I felt too tired and too afraid to put it out there.
“Even now, I hesitate to share my thoughts. Because it’s true, I don’t fear for my life when I walk past a police officer.”
Even now, I hesitate to share my thoughts. Because it’s true, I don’t fear for my life when I walk past a police officer. My experiences with racism have been very different to what Black people go through. And in speaking up, I don’t want it to seem like I am at all saying it is the same. But I do believe that my experiences and perspective speak to the same system. As I think about what I can do to stand against racism, I know it has to start from speaking my truth.
There was something particularly and personally gutting when I first saw that one of the officers complicit in George Floyd’s murder is Asian. HOW? How could a Person of Color stand by and watch that be done to another Person of Color?
Of course, I can only speculate about what was going through his mind and what kind of values he, as an individual, has. But I believe it has to do with the quiet anti-Asian racism that persists and prevails through the Western world and the so-called “model minority” role that Asians as a whole have decided to identify with. I believe it has to do with deep-seated, repressed pain that is often not heard or taken seriously. And I believe that racism in any form, whether quiet and subtle or resulting in the tragic loss of life, is borne of the same system and must be eradicated in full.
Racism against Asians may not stay very quiet for long. With the Coronavirus having started in China, with our President calling it “Kung Flu,” and with the fractured state of our country, there has already been a rise in hate crimes against Asians. Micro-aggressions are evolving into violence.
LE
AH KIM
Leah writes about mental health, motherhood, and being human. As a pregnant, full-time mom, spare time is challenging to come by, but she loves creating a cozy home, growing flowers and veggies in her garden, and baking bread from scratch.
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