Do you want to have a conversation about race, but not sure how? Lildonia Lawrence explains to us the best steps to creating a safe space for talking about race.
By Lildonia Lawrence
Since the horrific spate of police brutalities and the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement, race is now being spoken about by us all. It is a murky, sticky, and uncertain topic and in the West, there is an almost morbid preoccupation and simultaneous ignorance. Silent, yet playing a colossal role.
Countless people have been saddened to witness recent events and many white people have been shocked to become aware of the privilege they receive as part of the system of oppression. I have been lucky enough to have had some important conversations with allies in my network and one of the most frequent questions I have received is “what can I do now?”. There are so many things allies can do to support the movement and one of which is to take their fire, passion and compassion offline to start having conversations about race IRL their using privilege as a space to make a change.
A great first step is to bring the issue home and start talking with friends and family members about race and privilege. Although it is important to centre black and BIPOC voices in the anti-racism movement, it is not the responsibility of those individuals to educate the masses. White allies educating other white people is a key step in dismantling the unfair system in which we all live.
“The first step to change is always dialogue and so it is a fantastic springboard.”
This can seem strange and unsettling as many white people have never needed to openly discuss race in this way. However, the first step to change is always dialogue and so it is a fantastic springboard. Ways to introduce a topic might be sharing an article, book, or post that you have found particularly inspiring or educational and offering it up as a topic of discussion. Before starting a conversation, it’s important to think about your intention for sharing and who it is that you want to talk to. For example, some people may want to discuss this with partners and close friends, for others it is their parents that they want to broach first.
When bringing up these subjects with love ones take care to tread carefully. You want to be heard and understood but not to be a bulldozer so take time to be aware of how triggering some of this information may be to those who are still being initiated into the world of race education. Try to remember your own journey and note that there have undoubtedly been moments of defensiveness, shame, and fragility.
Although the topic is particularly emotive, try to avoid putting your own emotions on the other individual e.g. "this is so horrific, and I feel physically sick every time I think about it. How can you just go on as normal?". We’ve all done this at times of course but putting your own sensitivities on the recipient can make them feel shame for how they are feeling and will be a sure-fire way to shut down a conversation. Instead, try to foster discussion by asking them open questions about how they feel such e.g. "has this impacted on how you think about your race?" or "how have current events impacted on your mood?"
“The conversations will undoubtedly be uncomfortable and difficult, but sit with it and try not to bolt at the first sign of discomfort.”
Try your best to arm yourself with evidence. Particularly defensive companions may have bought into media hysteria and mention things like COVID worries due to protests, pseudo topics such as “black-on-black” crime or immigration. Although this might be agitating, try to stay on track and simply respond with the facts. For example, if someone tries to cite black on black crime as a counterargument for why all lives matter. Being armed with the knowledge that the majority of crime experienced by white people is ‘white-on-white’ and stating statistics around the disproportionate amount of black and BIPOC incarcerations would give a much stronger opinion than pure impassioned and emotive reasoning.
The conversations will undoubtedly be uncomfortable and difficult, but sit with it and try not to bolt at the first sign of discomfort. Some of the best conversations I’ve had have come out of the other side of discomposure. Remember, it’s a privilege to be able to choose to have conversations about race.
Having said that it is important to bear in mind that not everyone will be ready to hear what you have to say. If the conversation turns aggressive or you feel intimated in any way, cut your losses, and walk away. Similarly, if extreme racist views or language are used, please feel empowered to call it out and shut it down. There are so many actions that can be taken against racism and having these challenging conversations is a great place to start.
To sum up, keep these in mind when broaching conversations around race:
1. Start with friends and family.
2. Be clear on your intention for having the conversation.
3. Remember your own journey, and honour where others might be on theirs.
4. Have some evidence on your side, in case it gets defensive.
5. But don’t let the defensiveness discourage you.
Lildoni
a L
awrence
Lildonia is a wellbeing coach, yoga instructor and sex educator working in London. She has a background in psychology and mental health and has spent many years working in health, wellbeing and education. Her week is spent with a mixture of delivering workshops, teaching group classes and leading 1-1 coaching sessions, she works as a wellbeing writer for several publications.
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